i was surprised jay posted unfinshed colored pages
I was like "Wha...? What unfinished pages?" Then I went back to the link and saw what you were talking about. I hadn't seen those the first time. Why do you say that they're "unfinished"? They kind of look the way that Jay normally colors...and I don't mean that to sound like I'm being an ass, I'm just saying they looked finished according to Jay's usual style of coloring.
I still think this story would have been better for adults only. Otherwise there's too much cheese, fantasy factor.
Tim, I'm surprised on that splash page with the gorilla looking dude that you have the woman ("Moon Maid"?) looking away from the creature. Usually you're a stickler about depicting emotion and posture in the proper way. I would think she would be looking towards the gorilla as if he had jumped out in front of her. As it is now it looks like she's not even looking at him and that she's reacting to something else that's off panel. Anywho, don't mean to always be critiqing, but that just jumped out at me.