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Post by crager on Aug 20, 2009 17:49:12 GMT -5
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Post by jainitai on Aug 20, 2009 18:33:42 GMT -5
I'd read it if it was online. And in print, too. Either way would be cool to check out.
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Post by crager on Aug 20, 2009 22:38:55 GMT -5
thanks..jain Page 1
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Tim
Slasher
Rebel Godfather
The Godfather of Horror
Posts: 323
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Post by Tim on Aug 21, 2009 2:41:11 GMT -5
looks fun
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Post by bastard on Aug 21, 2009 5:52:00 GMT -5
groovy, daddy-o!!!
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Post by godless on Aug 21, 2009 8:24:18 GMT -5
thanks..jain Page 1 Big problems with the writing though. I counted several grammatical errors before I got half way through that thing. For example, "Perposed" should be "proposed" and "tragidy" should be "tragedy". And "Averting disaster by nearly minutes..." is just a mess of words that have not been properly constructed into a meaningful sentence. And what the fuck is "partial communications..."?!
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Post by crager on Aug 21, 2009 11:51:44 GMT -5
thanks godless I will fix while I go along this is just a test .. and I hope this stays fun tim.. oh I know from now on Ill get godless to be my editor. and considering Im doing it all myself ill need um... And what the fuck is[/quote]"?!partial communications..."?![/quote] this also is exactly what I want to hear from you guys. spectulate, tear it apart ..push me...
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Post by godless on Aug 21, 2009 16:07:02 GMT -5
I did not even realize you were writing it yourself. Hope I didn't sound too asshole-ish. There are definitely better qualified people out there to critique/edit/bitch about your writing but they are also twice as nitpicky. See what I did there? "Nitpicky" is not even a real word!
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Post by crager on Aug 21, 2009 17:02:38 GMT -5
no worries this will be done daily on the fly... a page a day. till its done.. and I will check my spelling next time.. thanks and feel free to critique at will..
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Post by jainitai on Aug 21, 2009 21:40:49 GMT -5
Wait a minute...what is this...Terminator?!
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Post by crager on Aug 21, 2009 21:58:24 GMT -5
not even close! Apeggas are combat shells... they require a partial human host...there are 7 of them that are used as bodyguards or defensive purposes..privately owned.. the pope has one china has 2 us pres.has one Israel and japan where they were made.. all are different.. oh and mia... the military applications are endless , as the Apegga's are much more aggresive and used by the hundreds during the war...against Russia,china-USR war... hope that clears it up ;D
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Post by jainitai on Aug 21, 2009 22:08:35 GMT -5
Kind of smells like it: machines with faces, a huge war with cities getting wiped out, "death-borgs". So what's the twist? Guess I'll have to wait and see!
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Post by crager on Aug 21, 2009 22:17:02 GMT -5
also the apeggas dont try to take over the world.. there just tools..
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Post by godless on Aug 21, 2009 23:37:12 GMT -5
also the apeggas dont try to take over the world.. there just tools.. "They're", not "there". "They're" is a contraction of "they are" while "there" is simply referencing a position or location(i.e. "The safe is over there..." Janitai said, pointing to a crappy painting of wolverine chopping up the Hulk. "Behind that crappy Liefeld painting!". He told the robbers this in the desperate hope they would spare him any ass-raping. A vain hope indeed...) Also when writing professionally(in a comic or pulp-type book for example), try to limit the use of ellipses(rows...of...tiny dots...between words...and sometimes...wrongly used to...finish a sentence.... <= this is bad). They are o.k. when used in a sentence to indicate a pause in dialog or first person narrative(but still...limit this as a general rule). For example: Robber: "Get down on your hands and knees boy! You know the drill." Janitai: "But I am not even attractive! Even to a cell-mate who is doing life in a maximum security prison!" Robber: "You have...what's the phrase I am looking for? Ah, yes...you have a 'pretty mouth'." O.k. I have gone way overboard with this.
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Post by crager on Aug 22, 2009 2:22:08 GMT -5
Is this better? page 3
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